Dwarves love eating rats, but sometimes even the hardiest among them cannot stomach those that have had the chance to stew a little on their own before they were found. The Rat Goulash is one of those recipes that turns even those borderline inedible rats into a tasty if somewhat different taste bud experience.
Actually, this is a Goulash variation with a little blue cheese thrown in, and it tastes way better than the dwarven description would have you believe. And if you cannot stomach this description, take the same route that noble Dwarves do when they want to appear stylish – they purchase perfectly clean and processed rat meat from special farms that cater only to the highest standards while still delivering the same taste experience through feeding the rats a carefully rationed mixture of herbs and spices.
For those who want to enjoy rat without having to worry about where it came from, Rat Goulash is certainly the way to go.
- 800 g meat
- 1 bunch celery
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 1/4 l red vine
- 2 tsp coriander
- 1 tsp cumin
- 2 tbsp paprika powder (the mild stuff)
- 1 l broth
- 250 g blue cheese
- 200 g sour cream
- 4 tbsp flour
Dice the meat and the celery.
Heat up the olive oil in a pot (or a pressure cooker) and brown the meat. Then add the celery. When it is browned as well, deglaze with the red wine.
Season with coriander, cumin and paprika powder.
Add the broth and bring to a boil.
Let simmer for 1,5 hours (or 45 minutes in a pressure cooker).
Chop the cheese into smaller pieces, then add it to the Goulash and let it melt.
Mix the sour cream and the flour thoroughly.
Add the sour cream mixture and keep stirring as you bring it to a boil once more.
Rice goes well with this and can be considered rat gristle for the purpose of this recipe.
How to have a Rat Goulash in your story
This dish is generally served by dwarves for dwarves, but exceptions will be made for good friends, business relations or unsuspecting mortal enemies. Rat Goulash straddles the line between a poor people’s dish made when nothing else is available, and a delicacy prepared only for the most esteemed guests.
As such, it is a great meal to propose a task to a group of adventurers, showing as well as to thank them for a job well done. Unless you want to send your characters chasing after rats, though, it is unlikely to be the direct consequence of an adventure – unless you consider corporate espionage and the obtaining of a secret seasoning from a well-guarded rat farm as worthwhile pass-times.
What do you think?
What did you think about the recipe and the story to go along with it? How did you incorporate it into your personal story? I would love to get your feedback!